Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
