please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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