Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
