people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
