the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
