I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
