I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
