There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
