I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
