i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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