Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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