Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
