i think my mom watched the whole time
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best friends brother. Beat that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
