4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so explain again why im purple
no
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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