Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
