thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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