She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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