The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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