dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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