His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
