My room smells like vodka and shame
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
