I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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