peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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