im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
