Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
