Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
