I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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