Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
