Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
