Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
