Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
COCAINE IS GR8
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
