Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
