it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
