Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
