You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
