barbara walters just said penis...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
