Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
