My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
