If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
