LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
