I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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