This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
