my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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