It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
