Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
