I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
