Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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