Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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