Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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