Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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