he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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