he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
