sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
