apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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