Plan B is the new Plan A
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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