I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
