Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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