i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
