these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
